WELCOME TO FERN'S HOMESTEAD!
My Battle With HepC and CFS
How did my Hepatitis C and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
diagnosis turn from anger and despair
to acceptance and being thankful?
How did my Hepatitis C and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
diagnosis turn from anger and despair
to acceptance and being thankful?
I've been living with the symptoms of these chronic
illnesses for a little over 5 yrs now. I've had Hep C I believe since 1970. You see, you can have
Hep C anywhere from 10-20-30 years with little or no symptoms. A little over five years ago I
started to notice a very unusual fatigue, but brushed it off. I thought I was just overdoing it or experiencing *burnout* due to not taking a vacation in 3 years, and running a small home business, as well as homeschooling. These were my first symptoms of Hepatitis C, but I wasn't to get a diagnosis until 1 year later!
In April 1998, I woke up overnight so ill that I was bedridden for almost six months with many debilitating symptoms from what I was later to find out was Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, aka CFS/ME. I was so ill that I couldn't even get out of bed to go see a doctor for the first 6 weeks! Doctors should make house calls! Information on HepC and CFS
After many Dr. visits and much testing, they never found anything wrong with me ~ my blood tests said I was in *perfect health*. HAHA In October of 1998, I finally got the phone call telling me I had Hepatitis C. I was very scared and immediately started crying, yet I was relieved because I finally knew there was a name for what was happening to me. I was scared, angry, and in denial all at the same time! At the age of 15 I was a runaway living on the streets in upstate New York and got into the drug scene so I believe that this is when I got this virus. Emotionally this was very hard for me to deal with. You see, 3 years earlier I had accepted Yeshua (Jesus) into my life as my Saviour. Being diagnosed with this disease was accepting the fact that I was now paying for the consequences of what I did as a teen.
I have done a lot of praying, reading, and research. The first year or so I firmly believed that I would be healed and wasn't going to suffer for very long. Yes, I read all the literature saying that CFS lasts for a minimum of 1-3 yrs with some going into remission after that. The average though is 10 years. Some never recover. The outlook for Hep C is even more grim. Remission is very rare and the only available treatments the doctors can offer at this time are not even an option for me. It all looked pretty hopeless, nevertheless I still believed that I would be healed.
I changed my diet radically in November of 1998. I learned a lot about nutrition, which had always been a hobby of mine anyway, and experienced remarkable improvements in my health! I was no longer confined to my bed all day. I started a walking program (to the end of my driveway at first) in order to rebuild my muscles as I had been ill for 7 months at this point. I was crying tears of joy......my miracle was coming!!! I gradually was walking 1 mile a day, several times a week. I didn't really feel any better, but I had the strength to walk, so I did because I *thought* this would be good for me. I would come home from my walks and collapse, but I was SO happy to be outdoors and be moving my body again! Gradually I was getting stronger from the exercise. Best of all, my spirits were greatly improved as I saw HOPE.
It was at this point, 3 months into my new walking routine, that I experienced a major setback. I was awoken one morning in severe pain in my liver area, accompanied by extreme weakness. I have never been able to take my wonderful walks again. I purchased a scooter and now use that to get around. I am not bedridden now, but I am very limited due to the persistent fatigue. My viral load has shot up from 250 thousand to just shy of 10 million. I explain what I think may be some of the causes on my Nutritional Advice Page.
It was around this time that I began wanting to give up. The fight was just not in me anymore. I was battle weary. I was weary of trying to eat right & doing research. What was the use?! I began to have desperate periods of time where I called out to G-d to PLEASE TAKE ME HOME! You might say - "Oh, yeah, I say that all the time, I know exactly what you mean." No my friend. This was very, very different. All that summer, for four long months, I would often sit outdoors while getting my fresh air and sunshine, then I would literally lift my arms up to heaven, BEGGING Him to take me home. Tears would be streaming down my face as I wept and wept before the L-rd. Oh my soul was in such misery. Every fiber of my being wanted, pleaded for relief from the pain of this world. Please don't think that I was suicidal. My beliefs are against suicide. I was simply beseeching my Abba to get me out of here. I felt I was of no use to anyone ~ not to my family ~ not to Yahweh ~ and not myself. Four months of this with absolute silence from heaven.....
And then one summer day in 1999 I was sitting in my screened in porch, once again pleading with Abba to take me Home. When suddenly He spoke to my heart! Quite clearly I heard His voice in my spirit, and He asked me a very simple question. "Fern, do you think you know better than I?" A very simple question, but I cannot tell you what an impact it had on me! I said, " NO L-RD!" I had NO idea that that is what I had been implying every time I had pleaded to be taken Home!! I felt terrible! Then I heard Him say, "Don't you think that if I was done with you that I would bring you Home!?"
Have you ever felt this way when the pain of your suffering seemed too great to bear? Do you feel life has lost purpose and meaning for you now that you are ill? It's just not so. When we start to feel this way, it's only our enemy, HaSatan, that is lying to us in order to bring dis-couragement to our souls. G-d gives us COURAGE. Abba knows the number of hairs on our head. He knows each of us intimately and loves us deeply. In Zephaniah we are told that Yahweh rejoices over us with singing! Imagine that! HalleluYah!!!! Beloved, our days our numbered. He will not call us Home one day late or one day early. He has a beautiful Plan for each one of our lives - ESPECIALLY during our suffering- and it's a Plan for our Good! (Romans 8:28)
Father also told me that I didn't have to know what that Plan was! I felt a supernatural peace, because I knew without a shadow of a doubt, that my Abba was in control of my life and circumstances. This conversation happened in a matter of moments. I did have a purpose, or I wouldn't be here! Simple isn't it? But this was a very difficult concept for me to grasp at that point in time. I had really swallowed the enemies lies and believed that because I was incapacitated, that I was totally useless to G-d ~ and everyone else.
Abba didn't reveal what His Plan was for me until about 6 weeks later. Nothing had changed in my life except that I now completely Trusted Him. It didn't matter if I could understand the *why's* - it was enough for me that Adonai knew and had it all figured out! After what I call my test of trust, G-d started to bring others into my life and would show me glimpses of how I was touching others lives. Since that time Father led me to creating this website, along with 2 ministries via Email. I also have been taking Home Study courses. I am a shut-in, yet Yahweh has shown me favor and has chosen to use me right where I am. And he will use you too. You must be willing to be used, be thankful for what you DO have, and you must Trust Him in this dear one.
2007 UPDATE!!
I now run a very small Hobby Farm with my husbands help, of course! We raise Nigerian Dwarf dairy goats and heritage chickens. It is a lot of work, but I really enjoy making butter, cheeses, ice cream, etc.! After not being able to eat any dairy products for years and years, this is a real treat! My health is still very challenging. Actually 3 1/2 yrs ago I was feeling SO much better, that I took a huge leap of faith and started with our barnyard animals. Unfortunately, since the Fall of 2006, my health has been getting worse. Probably doing too much. You can visit our little farm at Joyful Hearts Farm !
Each one of us impacts others. It may be at the doctor's office, our neighbors, talking with our family, or even on the internet. Rest assured G-d WILL use us where and when He feels is best. There are many lessons to be learned in this. Remember too that we are all part of the Body of Messiah. Yeshua knows how much you're suffering. He cares. He suffers along with us. You are not alone. When one part of the body suffers ~ we all suffer. Yeshua is the head of the Body, therefore, when you and I suffer, He feels our pain. He weeps with us my friend.
The L-rd has taken me on this journey so that I could draw closer to Him and Trust in Him and get to know Him more
and more. It is my hope that my personal story will help you in your walk through the Refiners
Fire. He is refining us and will make us shine forth as gold! There is a reward for us beloved! Our
rewards are yet to come and one day soon we will hear Yeshua say - "Well done my good and faithful
servant!"
Fern
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Page Created December 1999
Last Update June 2nd, 2007
